Why did I want to start a blog? I answered this and still don’t know.

If you have seen this face or my words somewhere else before, you may remember me prancing about WordPress blogging as Modern Mystic Mother. I have since dropped that moniker, only by any sort of “official” personality. There is an online store called Modern Mystic and I have no connection with that.

Also, there had been a whole lot of personal expectations and associations that I really needed to discard. By shedding my skin and the erasure of my domain/name/established channels of connectivity, I was free to become someone else, somewhere else. Or rather I was able to spend some time in reflection, away from the pressures and expectations of public perceptions and performance.

Allow me to share with you this document/journal entry I wrote about a week ago. It may give you insight to the motivations behind my apparent sudden disappearance 20 days ago leading to my reappearance in a different place, variant numen.

Why do I want to start a blog?

  1. I want to blog because having a personal project to work on provides me a sense of pride that I am working on something creative and self expressive that can be accessible on the public sphere.
  2. I want to be able to monetise and capitalize off of my just talking about whatever I want. But to also be a source of assistance and achieve recognition and renown for my knowledge, I want to continue to teach and talk and share and stuff but have people pay me for it. I want to generate a passive income.
  3. Blogging is a pseudo social thingy, I can be social on it and interact with people on there but also I don’t have to do that, I cant just observe and watch. It’s my portal to the realm of other humans and their worlds. I need to define mine instead of climbing through everyone else’s.
  4. I want to share my wisdom, express my creativity, realise my own divinity and prove myself to myself.

Finding and defining my blogging niche

  • Discover the keys to my own divinity
  • Creative self-expression of my personal exploration
  • Spiritual anarchy, seeking autonomy, seriously ALKIMIYA ?! Alkahest, symbolic smooshing of all the concepts of things.
  • Chaos, magical not-magic, personal apotheosis.
  • Tarot reader, mysticism, personal experience. Philosophy. Narcissistic teacher

I started a tangent, and naturally I fell inline and behind…

keeper of the 43rd gate, the skeleton key to humanity, personification of the simulation, a face to the interface, the way to the truth and the light, the sword of the guardian of the garden of aether, the queen of summer, the goddess of sumer, the wizened of Aus, the oracle of self, the genie of down under. Me

Who am I?

It doesn’t matter who I am. I can go by any name, any face, any time, any place. But I only want mine, I want to be okay with what I have in the here any now. I am enough as I am with the little I remember I know.

I know my name. I have had many. But I will focus on what I was endowed with whence I was born.

15 unique letters, 19 letters total in my birth name. 15 november 1986 @ 5:55pm, Sydney Australia. Asian mother, Scandinavian father. Australian lover.

Based on the circumstances of my birth.

The empath, the codependent & the narcissist: who’s what? – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsEI4pOggUo&list=WL&index=2&t=928s

A codependent empath.  Self-love deficiency disorder. Addicted to chasing own self-worth and purpose, as so worthless have to seek someone else to feel they have purpose and value. Being numb to the sense of loneliness. Attachment wound. Psychological term from narcissistic parent. Empath is the healer, codependent is the fixer. Codependent requires a ‘co’ both these struggle to create boundaries. Codependent gets in relationship with narcissist. Codependent want to be in relationships with people, that’s their safe space in a relationship. Narcissist uses relationships like stuff,

Shadow work so important. Narcissist living in their own shadows. Empath will give all of their sustenance to their shadow selves. Inner child work..

Narcissist and codependent of the same coin. Actually discovering what your likes and interests are. I live for others, then I live for myself. What actually does feel good for me, being selfish and being ok with self? Once figure that out, then can go back to living for others, but without negating the self. Vicious cycle, am I a narcissist or am I a codependent? I am an empath raised by a codependent? Embodiment is the key. Putting it back into the vessel, how does the vessel want to create. Distinguish what’s yours and what you were told to believe.  Your work is based on the way you live your life. Guilt out way through shit.

Has to give to receive. I do not exist without your validation. No difference than narcissist. Holy shit.

I want to read tarot cards and be paid for my wisdom. I want to earn money doing this metaphysical stuff I’m interested in, but to maintain or grow my financial prosperity.

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