Angry rebel will son, anarchist raises the sun. Alchemist rouses suspicion. Abolitionist riot in spirit.
Not recommended for immature audiences. Beware, this post contains a lot of swears.
Can’t help but be a teacher..?
Sometime in October 2018
It’s really quite habitual. Because it’s the nature of my job. And the nurture I made myself. Because I always kind of struggled to figure out how I fit into the grand scheme of things.
I make lists to remind myself of key truths or ideas. Which is fucking ridiculous that that’s what is popular and shit in blogging. Making lists and telling people what to do.
Why is it shit? Because it implies the reader is fucking stupid. Which is fucking infuriating. No one is fucking THAT FUCKING DUMB – they are just too fucking lazy to read.
I write lesson plans and scaffold structured responses all day long. It’s bullshit. It’s what has fostered the stupidity of the youth. Sooooo fucking used to every thing being handed to them on a fucking silver platter. They don’t know how to think for themselves because they have never had to actually think before.
I don’t write for myself. I wrote for others. I only write shit down is it’s going to be read.
I tell people my plans to keep me accountable because I know I have a tendency to go waaaaaay off topic and track. I deviate from my own laid out plans. Haha. It’s fucking hard to maintain direction and momentum and purpose. Because I do stuff for work, I do stuff for fun. And yelling at people to do shit isn’t fun.
But I like to talk to people. That’s my joy. But the internet is fucking an empty black hole that people scream their shit into. And… it’s like I have been called… conjured… magicked or whatever into the internet to fucking scream back at everyone “no one is fucking here. Shut up. I’m trying to concentrate!”
You know what? My students at school – my favourite ones who I enjoy talking to about stuff – some of them are pretty fucking gung-ho about this shit. Like… what do I need them to do to get my cult going? Haha. Like… I don’t know. You don’t have to do anything. Just follow my scriptures or teachings? The heart of my message? Haha. The cult thing is merely a device to get people talking.
There’s this one student (I’m going to call him Millsy for now) he told me about Kekistan, so I googled it and was like “fuck yeah. That’s something I can get behind!” Because dude, it’s fucking satire and fun. But the motivation is genuine. I have no fucking clue who the the single or group of people who invented Kekistan. I don’t really care either. But their motivation is my motivation. Their desired result? I dunno because I don’t know them. But I assume it is revolution and change BECAUSE THAT IS MY DESIRED RESULT.
I want people to get the fuck over themselves and their perceived hurt. I want to enjoy life. And write the pages of my legacy because I know I will die one day and I won’t ever be coming back to pick up the pages wherever it is that I leave off.
I want to be afforded the time and place and energy and space to do this. Because I don’t have “free time” like other people do. I do shit fucking differently than everyone else, you know? Fuck it. Fucking hell. I’ve just done shit backwards. You all know that by now.
This is the only way I know how to do things. To say it for exactly what it is. Make my true intentions heard and known. And just fucking wait. But I don’t wait for the answer to plop into my fucking lap. I come up with my own solutions completely independently (unless I give credit. I give credit where it’s due). These answers usually come to me within hours or days of my saying the thingy. That’s my magic. I live my life by saying the thing, getting on with the other shit I have to do, and bam I have a fucking answer and solution. I try it out, test it for size. Critique and repeat.
It’s the scientific method. Experiment and trouble shoot and trial shit out. It’s not magic.
But it is magic because shit just always works out in my favour. It always works out for me the way I want it to.
It’s not rocket science. It’s not knowledge for the elite. It’s plain and simple and fucking just everywhere. I made my own mind up about what I wanted and how I wanted my life to be.
I control my universe. I don’t know if I’m at its centre. I know that I made everything I made up, and I’m living in it, experiencing it, loving it, and loathing it too. But only because I don’t have ultimate “admin/design” powers.
I’m basically my own game beta tester. Kind of lame. But a necessary aspect of game and product and life design. I didn’t make the graphic and the interface. But I’m everybody’s favourite and best enthusiastic, anarchistic collaborator…