My mind is a stereo, if you would believe

And I’m running out of rope, don’t know how I can cope being so unsure of what I’ve done… What have I done? No, I am.

As king, if music be the food of love, I command you accept or accede to go your own way. This is my road, I helm the movement of realms. And driver picks music, shogun shuts their pi whole.

I’m all for believing

I want to. I do. But its hard to believe in me when not even you do.

I have so many velarian stops and lemurian gloss, language is a barrier I cannot cross. I must stay here. All I thought I knew, you were right that I would never know, that I had mistaken you somehow.

Turns out I misunderstood me. I thought I was deserving of love, that somehow it was a divine right… not to have anyones love… but that I was worthy of receiving it at all. That it was okay to try to fix me properly. And not just go full kamikaze in finding and saving whatever you wanted of or from me.

I don’t believe in anything

I wish the sky would fall on me. Smother me in space. The cold empty holds me in its embrace. That’s the only thing that I know to be real. Its the only thing that helps me not feel.

I hate feeling, I hate thinking and wondering. I hate as much as I love. And like everyone has repeatedly told me, the only one I have ever loved was myself.

Use the name of a dead man as authority, for who could ever refute or change the ideas of a spectre? Apparently he said I looked like a monkey. Before I was born, he knew the minuitae of my metal pillar.

Even if I am not capable of love, as I’m told and now I see that I don’t know how to love… I can pretend in my mind that he might still love me. If he was ever real to begin with.

Why waste my breath? Why waste the space? If I was a zero, I’d be someone else’s problem. And you’d get to have your piece of peace.

I’ll try to turn away, cover my ears, close my eyes and sing. Tell myself I didn’t make you fall. Convince myself it wasn’t me, perpetuate the delusion that the wrongs are somebody else’s problem – origin, repair, and dissolution.

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