I’m trying to be more honest and open with myself, and this “thing” I want to do, to build..? I don’t know exactly or entirely or anything, but what I do know is that I have to open myself up to the public. I have to do things differently than how I did things before. All my shame and distrust and cynicism… I must exorcise my demons in the blinding light of day.
I have to be the change that I want to see in the world.
I’ve expressed my frustrations with everything for far too long. I know the fucking frustrations of miscommunication and misinterpretation as I’ve experienced it in my private sphere since childhood. I’m crass, vulgar, articulate, direct, diplomatic, and satirical. I know & I don’t care, Your words have no power over me except for what I allow.
I look like a hypocrite, or I feel like I have the potential to be seen as a hypocrite. I have a multitude of roles and responsibilities for which I am required to perform a certain role, act a particular way… I’m a role model whether I like it or not. I KNOW I’m a role model because that’s just what happens when you’re an authority figure.
Everyday we are influenced by the people around us. During the preliminary stages of any chapter or area of our lives we are influenced by the authority figures to which we are exposed. Sometimes we’re fortunate to have amazing people in those leadership roles, sometimes it’s just bad luck, wrong timing.
I feel like I’m just restating established moral cliches and I fucking hate cliches, so I’ve got to rephrase these cliches for the modern market. This is not the time and the place for diplomacy. I have to keep reminding myself to leave that shit at the door.
Moral Cliche. It’s simple, true and works, so why bother fixing what ain’t broke? Because what then are we supposed to do about kids who don’t give a fuck how they’re treated? Kids who are apathetic or antagonistic; they are wounded warriors hardened by horror, they know.
I don’t do marketing. I don’t know any of that stuff. What I know is only just stuff I’ve read online, common knowledge available to anyone if they were interested. As an English teacher I get the language structure and shit like that. But with no actual training and practice, mission statements and brand names, logos, blah blah blah DOES NOT come easily to me. Identifying the need for change doesn’t make me an authority figure on the logistics of implementing that change.
WWBD – A thingy I’ll be writing on Wednesdays
I know I say a lot of stuff especially when under emotional strain, but what I say when I’m upset isn’t the shit I want to be remembered. I want my principles to be my legacy that I leave behind.
I’m going to lead by example.
The start of this post I shared one of my core principles that I 100% believe and stand by. But of that’s not your style, maybe you have a message you need to make clear because no matter how many times you say it people still don’t get it. So rant. Go ahead and rant, and let WWBD give you the fortitude you need.
I speak with authority behind the safety of the anonymous internet.
But in real life I’m “really nice” that the otherwise “bad” kids feel safe talking to me, they are sweet and kind, and it’s with them that I feel appreciated. BUT for the same reason that the “naughty ones” are gentle with me, the normally “good kids” don’t see me as an authority. Behaviour of kids in my classes become flipped, and it’s baffling to other teachers why kids act so differently with me. It’s so frustrating… what do you fucking want? Academic marks or functioning human beings? These so called bad kids aren’t bad, they just don’t fit into the system. These kids aren’t the academic type but they have heart.
But if my results aren’t “measureable” how can I expect job security? I depend on my human network, they know I’m good at what I do. It’s about crossing the bridge between man and machine.
What does WWBD stand for?
See, I don’t really know how to answer that because it was a joke acronym for a serious idea. Apply whatever meaning you want to it, but to me it’s the shit I want to be remembered for.
People will take offense and manipulate your words no matter what if that is what they have already decided they want to do. There’s no point trying to fight it. WWBD is about rolling with the punches, being honest and saying what you really mean even if it makes you look bad. Own up to it, and face it. Fuck other people who don’t understand because they are “experts” on everything in life.
This is my first WWBD post. I wonder if it will catch on?
- What would Barbarella do?
- What would Batman/Buffy/Beyonce do?
- Wisdom we’ve gained in our darkest moments.
- Wednesday Weekly Brain Dump
- Wacky, Waving Borkly Doggo!
- Wizened and weary final breaths before death.
Universal keys for my prototypic vehicle: K, W, B mercury, Wednesday, phosphorus, Binah, beth, Kether, Daath, hermes. Air. Judgement.
I don’t know what esoteric you subscribe to, but I think you could make the appropriate associations from my list. It’s so basic. I told you what it means to me, and that’s how I plan on using it. I’m a spiritual intellectual, I know how to separate myself from shit because I am secular.
And since this whole post has been about being open to hard truths and clearly defined lines: make sure to show gratitude as much as possible, wherever possible. I name drop or make reference to other people wherever possible (only public personas, not private identities) because to me that is a display of my admiration. But I don’t know if my supposed “familiarity” makes it look like I’m just boosting my own ego by association.
Thank the father, son and holy ghost? Sure. Here you go.
- I want to thank the man that helps me stay grounded, gives me direction, and keeps me sane. That’s the archetypal father embodied in my husband, Jain*
- I’m also grateful for the students I get to teach, the ones that make my job worthwhile. And there are some kids that I have never actually “taught” but they’re my favourites. The exact type of kids that made me choose this direction 10 years ago. The archetypal son, the beautiful nature from nurture.
- And finally, the person I wish I could be. A complete stranger I’ve never met, never actually spoken to, uncanny “answer my prayers”. The archetypal holy spirit who just seems to pop up at just the right times, is the only being I can actually say by name. Benebell Wen. *thumbs up*