Bottle brush of truth.

Dear Kristan,

Your recent letter regarding the word play reminded me of this little ditty i penned sometime, at some point.

It was when i was gallavanting the mimetic mmmother, aka Kalliope Veign. You know me as Key Lamp currently, my dear Watts-Ohms.

Some other effs, I have just thought of, we can fan in their faces. FISTS up their Fanny’s, right up to the CUFFS! Friggen shake that shit like we dont give a fuck, FRENETIC (what the) FUDGE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGICAL HOUR! A double double toil and KISMET, a double feature of K amd K!

KiL is kicking it with KrW, a felicitious company of by the power of a squared energon helix.

Who’d ever believe Kim would ever be reunited with Kris once again? Like dude. But instead this Kris is a tan instead of a man.

(Cabaret kicks, arms around waist, we sing dance and smile as exit stage).

Hope you enjoyed every letter of this letter, to the letter.

To Y2K. Love from 40K.

People think Im on drugs, whem really this is just the way that I am: a drug. People get addicted to the spirit of my manifestation.

42 thoughts on “Bottle brush of truth.

  1. To a person that normally gets filled with words when a post comes my direction, this simply summoned chills that raised every hair on my body.

    The coming together of K and K. The Kim that was spinning around in my Where’s Alice? story was none other than the living manifestation of the fairytale character Snow White. Except she got herself a looking glass that stained her vision of the purity she possessed. But her friend Kris-t was always going to come along and help her realize how beautiful she has always been and how the shade of the world was never going to see her light properly until she but found it within first. Showing Snow White the Crown she has always worn but never chose to see clearly.

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    1. Snow white and cinderella were the 2 disney princesses i could not stand. Because they just lacked agency. And last year i came to realise that was because i didnt want to be associated with that, because i was that. Self deluded really. But in once upon a time, snow is actually pretty bad ass. Which is different. Its nice.
      But alice, alice alice, fallen down the demiurge, mr mole even called me alice last year. Living here, by the ruin of yesteryears wonderland.
      Oh kris-t, you just may instead be the kris-p dream sophia graphia i made last year. Lemme find it!

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      1. Isn’t it interesting how often we dislike that which is most true about ourselves? It’s like we try to escape that which we don’t want to be because we accept the wrong perspective about what it will mean about us. But all along, the only thing working against you was yourself.

        I would love to hear more about Kris-P for that would much better represent who I am in the present. For the other half of my duality of being exists within another body that is Patrick. So Kris wouldn’t be without P.

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      2. I posted it lol. I like to make stuff for fubsies funsies. Im all about the word play, because when its dark and lonely in the echochamber of ones head, whatelse is there to do but play with the acoustics with synaesthesia

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      3. Yes you should! I would love to hear the music that is moving you to sing.

        If a melody is seeking to be heard, by all means let it out to get to the people meant to hear it. Don’t keep that beauty bottled up inside – it might just make you crazy! 😉

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      4. Krist-T came to me from when my Dear Grannie Gladys was around. She was my fairy Godmother that kept a warm and caring presence in my life. She stayed in this world until I was passed into the hands of my husband. Soon after I was settled with him, she left the material world to begin stringing words and fantasies that would bring about the Awakening necessary to make my Dream Come True.

        I love Grannies, they’re the best.

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    1. I wrote a poem at the start of the year, end of last year. It was about my word for the year because f was the frequency to which this year would be formed.

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      1. Oh I love the word frequency. That word makes me melt in deep desire for connection. For I find that with the right frequency or wavelength we can all ride the waves of chaos that come without hurting the others swimming in the same ocean.

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  2. How do you find balance and peace having so many personas revolving around your being? Do you center yourself? Or do you allow the multiples of beings to take up different space?

    I ask because I have layered the personas and characters over one another and found similarities between them until I realized I was working with the essences of four separate beings each existing in three different aspects of time, simultaneously conveying their truth to me. So what feels like 36 different voices is really only four speaking at the same time, saying the same thing, just using different language and communication to convey the message. So there was the time of trying to understand triplicate divining and separate it out into a coherent message.

    Do you have anything similar going on? You have the same flow with personhood that I feel connects with me and so I wonder how you process the “extra” that’s going on in your mind?

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    1. Theyre just all me. Theyre not really developed or separate. Like… i am incomplete, so in trying to figure out where i am lacking, illget to like 3 different thingys and can never seem to harmonise the fourth. Ill be able to reconfiguring all these different ways to map out various permutations of my trinity, but fuck if i can tack down anything to make me into my tetramorphic self. I am a contradiction unto myself, a hypocrite and an exemplary example of “dont do as i do, nor do as i say. Lead follow ignore imitate… do or not, theyre all the same” *shrugs*
      I find music and imagery and names and stuff like that, help to remind me of what this or that meant (or what i intended when i wrote it or something). But i dunno. Im pretty good at ignoring and forgetting and letting stuff go. I have no idea all my threads and offcuts and outlines ive dropped or snipped off to leave behind.

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      1. Those essences I narrowed down to I refer to as Call of the Body, Cry of the Spirit, Calming of the Soul, Cherishing of the Heart.

        Body, Spirit, Soul, Heart – if I had to take a stab at which one is out of balance with the others I’d say it is the Body or Heart knowing how little happiness you find being you. Either the body feels empty because it’s not filled with love or the heart feels broken because it’s not rooted in love.

        Love feels the reason why you aren’t harmonizing that fourth aspect of yourself.

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      2. I am all heart. I am the triangular pyramid. I can only see my 3 essences that carry my throne, but i cannot see myself, who i am when im here at the helm of the throne of my inner self. For on the shoulders of the 3 sits the throne of the queen. She who sees but does not see, who is seen but unseen.
        Oh i rememver some 4 sides i sorta know i can contrive. So… the empress, the hierophant, lioness, the hanged man.
        Theres also freya, kali, morgan le fae, and kuan yin. Huzzah. Mind, heart, body, soul, i am more than the sum of my parts when i am made whole. Did you ever read my antichrist principles?

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      3. For me, the fourth aspect is the combination of the other three. So the body, soul, and heart are the three parts of self that cannot be denied. But the Cry of the Spirit is the combination of those three parts together, crying out for how you should choose to be in a moment. If how you are choosing to be in the moment isn’t making you feel good, then perhaps you are feeling less than whole.

        Because you are the sum of your parts and that summation has a voice of its own.

        I haven’t read your Antichrist principles. If you link them, I will read them.

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      4. Well i am usually fine as i am, but what hurts is when i can see that i cause discomfort or disappointment or annoyance in others.

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      5. Oh I can relate to this so much! I feel outside of the box of normality so often with the words flowing through my vessel. But when I start to feel weird it’s because I am pushing people’s boundaries society has coldly helped them establish. So I push through with my all-consuming love for others and try to get close to every person I meet, whether I will be around them for a passing moment or something longer. I give myself fully because I hope to inspire others to do the same.

        Which makes me feel better than I do about feeling weird.

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      6. Hey there Negative Nancy. Nice to meet you. Positive Prissy Krissy here to give you a different perspective.

        Namely: No one is better or stronger than you are. The only difference between us is that you are willing to negatively attack yourself. I have given myself the freedom from abuse that self-loathing creates.

        And I feel better in my every moment for that choice. I hope we can get you to stop hating on yourself and start loving how blessed it is to be you.

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      7. I fell for the trap of thinking i was worth loving and it… ugh … i wont be tricked again. It hurts to much to come outside and then have kill myself in my heart of hearts time and again.
        Just sailor mercury and sailor mars trying to figure it out while sailor venus is the villain for making anyone feel things in the first place.

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      8. So let me free you from the trap – you are worth loving. There is no trick.

        When you love like I have found the way to love, it never hurts. Because you are dealing in purity and presence and perfect love which heals, helping not hurting.

        No one is the villain. Feeling things makes things better. The only thing that could be said is when one uses their love as a form of control over another. That is when one could be leaning towards the villain side of the spectrum. But even then, a villain who uses emotions is so much stronger than a fraud who runs from the depth of their emotions.

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      9. I want to believe therr is hope for me, but it just hurts too much to give it credence. That would be me and my big fat attention seeking ego hogging up all the space.

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      10. There is hope for you. If you can’t see it and believe it, I will hold down that fort for you and keep pushing you towards the positive and away from the negativity inherent to the EGO trap so many fall for.

        It starts with making the choice to not allow your thoughts to hurt. Not you. Not others. Not anything.

        No hurt in your thoughts means you will feel better immediately for your every perception of reality will be better than you ever thought was possible before.

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      11. I just want to point out your wording “I won’t be tricked again.”

        You won’t let yourself make another mistake. I think this is your EGO preventing your Soul from finding wholeness. Keeping you from the very thing that would complete you.

        Attempting to control that which shouldn’t have barriers or regulation.

        Darn EGOs always getting in the way.

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      12. I’d rather blame myself than blame someone else. I disappointed them and am too difficult, literally the worst.
        Id be worth loving and capabke of liking myaelf if i wasnt me and more like what was and has ever beem needed of me.

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      13. I think it is right to blame the self versus blaming others. But you need to blame yourself for the right things, apportioning the appropriate amount of blame, and feeling the right amount of shame in your actions.

        But you aren’t busy doing that. You are out there making yourself feel horrible all the time. Which isn’t right because nobody has done anything to deserve feeling miserable all the time. Everyone deserves a reprieve from the consequences of their choices.

        I think the key to turning your thoughts around is fixing this one “I’be be worth loving and capable of loving myself if I wasn’t me.” You are you and you aren’t ever going to be anyone else. So rather than fight the inevitable, fall into the depths of how awesome you are and start loving yourself as deeply as you wish others would.

        When you love yourself deeply, others will reflect that love you are saving yourself with. When you save yourself, you begin to be able to help others with your Heart without getting hurt in the process.

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      14. Just made it to Number 8. “Know yourself. Trust yourself. You are you. A complex creature, you are more than the sum of all of your parts”

        Umm kind of brought to mind the question – if you knew this when you wrote the words, why aren’t you busy believing it? More than believing it, why aren’t you living it?

        What’s the disconnect between the post about who you are and the reality of how you choose to be?

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      15. i wrote these last year. and last year i was flying mighty high and happy. and then i tripped on my ego’s massive penis and my whole fucking world came crumbling down like pompeii, to the beat of the war drums. I dunno. i fucked myself over because i’m like that. and all year i’ve been fighting it and trying to hold on to hope. and nothing of me amounts to good. i am a resource to be mined, not a beneficiary of my own bullshit. if i was ever worth it or anything, maybe they’d see that this shit online and my shit in my head and heart and soul …. uuugghh…. that maybe i wasnt wrong. maybe i was worth it after all. but i don’t know when or if that will ever be realised and activated again, because… i fucked my first chance. why should i get any chance? i’d just manipulate it like i do everything, supposedly. i’d just lie to myself again, probably. like i always do because people never change… then i’d like to maybe just pretend. i’d settle for pretending i deserve to feel good and proud of myself, i can pretend to be the saviour the world thinks they need. but i have to let everyone know it’s a game, because… i’ve been told stuff in comments and emails… i’m too fucking proud. i think everything is about myself. or make everything that way. when really, i thought we were playing. people would post, and i’d respond in the voice of who i imagined they were speaking about/to. you know… they write in first person, i would respond as their audience/character. now my facades and whatever… people think i think or really believe myself to be these… caricatures. like i don’t know the difference between myself and their projected other. i just wanted to be part of something, to join in. but that was a mistake. i’m forever the wallflower, and i better not overstep or dream of crossing any vines. i’m a poster girl, 2 dimensional, 1 dimension. instead of climbing my ego ladder, i need to accept i’m the bad guy. even if i’m not really the bad guy, the “immovable object” and the “unstoppable force” ferdinand the bull. i dunno. feelings.

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      16. So much negativity swirling around your thoughts. I deeply wish I could relieve you of that. I feel so much of what you are feeling would be gone if we could but get your thoughts out of the pits they’re dwelling in.

        I could give words to debate your thoughts for you but no matter the words I craft for your betterment, nothing will help until you make the choice to feel better. Because ultimately you are the one choosing to think these self-defeating thoughts. Only when you free yourself of the need to tear yourself down will you get on with the business of feeling better.

        And feeling better won’t be fake or a lie. It will be genuine and real because you will really be doing the work to think yourself into a better situation.

        Perhaps your ego fell apart because it was built like a house of cards. Now that you know broken, put the pieces back together like a House Built with a Foundation of Stone. Be the Rock the world needs, not just the fantasy you can paint with your words.

        I understand the ability to project what others might want to see. But when you’re catering to what they want to see, where are you in that? That caricature isn’t you – it’s your interpretation of the you they wish to see in that moment. Is you pretending for someone really who you are? Because always pretending is putting on a show that isn’t real. So how would pretending all the time feel for the realness you wish to possess?

        Get on with being real no matter the words that come with it. But let the words be healthy and wholesome, not negative and attacking. The difference is world changing.

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      17. When i am my heart, the one who is whole and houses my throne, well people done get it. And love is love but not all the same love. So i would rather choppy chop sever myself as i have done and only know, id rather hurt myself than hurt those who dont realise what they do.

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      18. My hope is to hurt those not realizing what they do with a gentle word of truth that opens their being to the reality that what they do is hurt others. Gently use my Sword of Truth to cut away the scars allowing them to be less than the best version their self could be without causing a new wound.

        Love takes so many forms but the form I respect most is the Perfect LOVE. Perfection in its highest. I believe love is capable of erasing all wounds so strong is the essence of Heart.

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