9 thoughts on “Aha, alkim⁸ æon me⁶ (the world’s worst kept secret)

  1. I wasn’t able to comment on the post that made mention of not making sense, so I came to your next most recent post and wanted to share that I wouldn’t worry too much about making sense to others, just be true to you so when you eventually come back to your words, they’ll make sense because you’ll see that all the pieces add up to explain the wondrous person it is to be you.

    My most recent crazy talk was shared on August 11, 2019 at https://exploringalura.wordpress.com/2019/08/11/speaking-gods-language/

    It probably reads as pretty nonsensical unless you are deeply steeped in the Where’s Alice? world of reasoning. The questions flow naturally from me but I think when an outsider of my mind reads them it could be confusing. So I posted a translation of the first three journal pages of questions over at https://exploringalura.wordpress.com/2019/08/21/translating-the-mystery-pages-1-3/

    So I share this because though it doesn’t make sense in this moment, go ahead and try to put together what needs to be said in the moment. The moment may not be right for the words you are meant to share, but that doesn’t mean that the moment isn’t right to get them on the interweb. Think of it as doing the work now to lay the foundation upon which meaning and understanding will blossom farther down the path of understanding and accepting your self.

    Hope the day was good to you and you are headed into a blessed evening of peaceful relaxation with the ones that make you happiest.

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    1. Hey i have no idea why my posts lately have been doing that! Its frustrating! Btw i horde a whole heap of crap and graphics and stuff that i made from earlier in the year. And i found a bunch of quotes and poems
      I just smoosh stuff together and send it out into the ether. And hope to be okay, being silly and backwards this way.


      1. Perhaps the reason you are in this state is because you are feeling fractured. And in your fractured state, the different pieces are calling out for different things to express themselves. Seemingly coming out a mess. But as more is expressed, more should come to make sense, and slowly the need to get so much out at once will come and you can piece together things one at a time.

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      2. Ive got to figure out how to communicate me. But also my motivation feels petty now when before i used to feel righteous, vindicated.
        Listen to pills by st vincent.

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      3. Yes, let’s figure out how to perfectly communicate the you that you are. I feel if we can better express the you that you are looking to be, then you will feel more at home and happier with being the person you were born to be.

        You are used to beating yourself up and now you are calling your motivation petty. What is your motivation that you would tear it down for giving you a boost to head in a better direction?

        Righteous and Vindication are heavy emotions to feel. And I feel they are tainted with dark vibrations that create an out of control feeling. There are better ways to feel motivated to action. Like love or happiness or peace or balance – all good realms to take the motivation.

        I read the lyrics so I could understand the words (I stink at listening to music for the words). Does this song affect you positively? Where does it take your mind?


      4. I lost all my friends. I went a bit crazy i guess. The mania and the pregnancy and the diabetes and the spiritual “downloads” or “uplinks”… all my “psychic” weird shit. I dunno. I tried to repair stuff with them as i left social media and never really heard hide nor hair from them. I tried to express my ideas and wanted them to be part of it with me. No, i was never going to make it. Its crazy. And its bullshit and a lie. I put a picture up pf them without their permission because i was so proud and happy to have them as my friends. I was asked to take it down because i didnt have permission to share their faces, and having worked so hard to build their reputation i guess it did look bad for them to be associated with me. I took it down immediately anf apologised profusely. I guess they were satisfied i acted so promptly. I organised or tried to, some catch up time which never came to fruition. Never heard from them again. Then i find out they were all talking about me but no one reached out to me? I flipped out online expressing my rage and shit. I didnt share names or faces or anything, just… made allusions.
        Ive cried and cried and just… want to prove that i am not a fuck up… to prove them wrong, that whatever the shit im doing? It could have been successful… i dont want to fail and just prove everyone else right… i want to succeed. But… i am just dreaming

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      5. What’s wrong with dreaming? What’s wrong with wanting to do something different in a world of everyone doing the same thing and feeling horrible doing it?

        The only difference is that you feel the need to please them. I saw this post and it absolutely applies here: “The only reason it bothers you that they don’t like you is because you aren’t sure you like yourself.” Honestly, when you realize how awesome it is to be you and that they are missing out in their misunderstanding and unacceptance of you, it won’t matter that they aren’t around. Because you’ll see that they are the ones not acting well, they are the ones holding it against an unwell person for their out of control actions. Ultimately, they are not strong enough or kind enough people to be around a complicated personality. And that sucks for them.

        But not for you. Because you need people around that make you feel better in the uncomfortable state you exist in. You don’t need people that will say one thing to your face and spread negativity about you while you aren’t around. That is bullshit drama that sensitive people like ourselves can’t handle. So look at those people not being around as a gift from the Universe in not having fake people making your life a toxic environment to exist in.

        Don’t feel bad they didn’t stick around. They weren’t good enough people to keep someone like yourself around. Truly good people stay no matter the circumstance. Fake friends, friends of convenience, temporary friends – when hard times come they bonds of trust break and the friendship splinters and passes away into nothingness proving how meaningless it was in the first place.

        Hold true to the ones that don’t pass away. Like your husband and children. Those are the lives that matter most, so give your all to preserving those before all the others. Don’t feel bad because others can’t handle the depth of your being, it is hard enough being you without you making it harder on yourself.

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    2. I just found some of my “crazy creations” from when I was lost in the throes of bipolarity. I am going to work to put together something that shows you sense can be made from crazy talk.


      1. Sense can always be made from anything. It is the framing and contextualising and the building up to the realisation awakening.
        Thats why there are so many conspiracy theorists.
        But i look forward to it!

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