My real deepest darkest wish: achieve godhood.

I wish I was a god. That way I could do whatever I wanted. Like god in Dogma. The Alanis Morrissette version of god.

Oh boy, I have so many thoughts on god, and have written a ton of posts and pages on the matter. The memory of this post comes to the forefront of my mind, and so it has been revived from the archives.

So before I go any further. I should lay down some pop culture inspirations, reference points. I’m not going to cite everything. But if you know of these films/tv series/novels then you might have a chance...


Dogma film poster.
Dog-ma I am-god.

Document; Initiate Transformation.

Start with a strong and persistent desire

I was an only child. I didn’t make friends easily. I felt like wishes could come true if you just found the right way to get the message to the whatever – maybe Santa, or god, or a fairy. I felt like it was real magic (or whatever) was real. But you had to do something a particular way to get it out there… it wasn’t just going to appear and pop in your lap.

I remember watching tv and I learned about wishing on a star. So I would do that. But I didn’t know if I wished on the right one. So I would try a different one each night. (The first star you see… But what if I’m looking in the wrong direction?)

I heard about catching these floating white thingys and whispering your wish into them and setting them back free. So, I did that too!

Then I learned, as I got older, they were just airborne spores from a weed (milk thistle seed spores) that had been caught in the wind. I know that because I found a plant that had them.

Recall my brethren

When I was a kid I wished for friends. I wished for 2 brothers who would be my best friends, like these two boys from Degrassi junior high: Joey and Snake. I don’t remember why, or what they were like. I just remember Snake’s name (I had to Google search to remember the other character. Good thing I recognised the face, though!)

Does anyone remember those characters from the show? What Joey and Snake were like?

I don’t remember why? But I dunno, like… I have always felt as if I was the third out of a trio. And it was 2 guys and me. Like heaps of other pop culture trios that can be thought of…

  • 2 guys a girl and a pizza place;
  • Harry, Ron and Hermione;
  • (the movie) Savages;
  • Dot, Yacko and Wacko from Animaniacs;
    • … the other ones that come to mind are awkward and/or tense love triangles, and they don’t really resonate…
    • I dunno. I was just a kid and I was lonely.

I thought if I had a brother they’d be someone who would look out for me. Someone my age (generation) I could actually talk to, and wouldn’t feel like I was interrupting or bothering them.

The apple(seed) of the father’s eye

I always got along with my dad. He was always there to play with me and listen to me while I showed him gymnastics and sing along to his songs I liked.

I don’t know why I feel like literally crying all the time. I mean I don’t really feel like that all the time. But… I had a different intention when I started this post. That was to talk about the cults my friends and I made up when we were in high school.

And now here I am, banging on about baby me wishing on a star for somebody to love her. And I don’t want to hear anyone tell me that it’s Jesus calling out to me.

Fuck you Jesus. You did this to me! Now let me share my side of the story!

Jesus was just a dude. I think you’ve got Jesus confused with someone/thing else. You’re thinking of “my-highest-inner-good” or holy guardian angel or something. Well, that’s not Jesus.

You want Jesus? Go to Mexico, where they’re a dime a dozen.

Jesus was a mortal, Galilean Jew, who taught eastern spiritual beliefs in a land that did not support that way of thinking. His teachings are similar to that of Buddhism.

So instead of “christian,” why don’t you call yourself a Buddhist?

Because you don’t want to change your religion.

I’m sure you might even say you’re not *that* religious anyway, or that’s not what you think of Christianity.  

I am sure that there are parts in the bible that make you uncomfortable so you changed your own definition of the word “christian”. Cool.

Change it again, Man.

  1. Change it so that way women aren’t considered prostitutes for “touching feet (euphemism for penis),” or sold off to older men who want virgins, not whores! (Divine conception? Pfft. Mary was a virgin if you don’t count anal).
  2. Periods don’t make a woman “unclean.” You know, her fucking uterus is cleaning itself out! That’s the inner scourge! It does that on it’s own!
  3. And women shouldn’t be judged by whether or not they have kids!
    • Maybe they don’t want them?
    • Maybe they are trying to have kids?
    • Maybe they’re doing something else with their lives instead of thinking about whether or not they should turn into a baby factory?

There are too many people on this earth anyway. We are parasitic by nature. We suck the life out of shit and then shit it out (the digestive system).

We use stuff and then chuck it away because we live in a disposable society where it is cheaper to replace something than to repair it.

We treat people like they are things, objects to be owned. As if they don’t have feelings or thoughts of their own. Or we play mind games with people, gaslight them, manipulate or twist their words until they go insane…

Well, two can play at that game.

I gained the powers of a god and the worthiness to wield the weapon of words. Odin granted me the might to lift mjolnir and roar as Thor. So I am thundering. Can you feel me? Can you feel the ripples? That’s why people are nervous. They can feel it too.

God is a number.

535 days between the birth of this blog post, and the cradle of this page… date duration calculator, a handy post hole pole holder.

5 + 3 + 5 = 13, the death card in tarot. Corresponds with the astrological sign of SCORPIO.

My destiny 8 plus my life path 5 equals maturity number 13. Scorpio. Angel of death.

Kati Kali 555, Chaos Mysfit, Eris is the prettiest.

Sailor scouts Mercury, Venus and Mars. I am Hermes, Vesta, and Ares. All of them, and nothing. Make me somebody, someone.

Landscape the lane, goat escape the land. Walk the planes. The explorers way. Existence Living pexwd f

22 thoughts on “My real deepest darkest wish: achieve godhood.

  1. I agree with a lot of your post. What constrains humanity is we cling to our ancient animal aspects. Oh! Jesus is a path not a person. And a lot of other things mentioned in the bible are either metaphor or means of maintaining patriarchy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ Perception is everything, and interpretation is subjective thereby simple minds cannot comprehend the concept of alternatives paths.
      Looking good is apparently more substantive than actually doing good. Because the path to hell is paved with good intentions, so only pretend like anyone gives a shit. Bad intentions with good outcomes gets you box office seats to the world’s main events.
      Hah, you got me started on a bit of a tirade. Thanks for your comment!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote it last year. But yeah. The message of course resonates (thus why I reposted it. Refining my blog posts over the months until just the core stuff remains). Godhood and power and religion and spirituality are themes that I’m quite… obsessed. *shrugs* thus why I have my cult page and everything .lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah i see. Interesting : ) when you said cult page. You mean another place than this blog? By the way do you have second life on your computer ? It would be fun to meet you there for a little while hehe. I have a profile there if you have a good computer i wld like to see you there


      2. I don’t use second life. Thats a vr game, right? I dunno LOL.
        The other blog is but I don’t update it very much.


      3. More like a virtual social network. It is awesome. There are many places where you can meet people who live far away. Many dreamy places. The place i had in mind is a very calm garden. I said social because it is used for chatting or elearning or retail. It is another world. I even have heard that some secret societies meet there. The world in second life is so vast you can choose to instantly teleport to empty maps. Once i spent time exploring a deserted long building … and other places
        …. ah i am gonna check your link thank you


      4. No you just download second life viewer on your pc. Sign up fast with email. Choose a normal avatar. After we meet you can adjust your avatar to meet the look you want


      5. For me the experience of it is strange hehe. Cause i dont know how it wld feel like meeting your 3d avatar there hehe interesting


      6. I am in garden of dreams GOD. If you make it teleport there once you do you tell me your username then i will find you using the map


  2. I don’t know much about Christian religion, but I’m curious to know that was Jesus really similar to a Buddhist? Is that part true?…


    1. Well technically it is not. There is no evidence to suggest that he was Buddhist. However there have been theories and stuff, especially related to the missing years of Jesus’ life from the bible (about 18 years). There have been theories that he travelled along the silk road in that time (or wherever) where he possibly encountered the eastern religions, syncretising those beliefs with his own (Judaism).
      The parallels to which I’m referring are in the Jesus teaching “love one another; turn the other cheek; seek the kingdom of heaven within; don’t judge others; do your thing” sort of thing. The west is all about divine retribution and punishment, everyone wants wants wants for themselves, all the fun times of subtle abusive power and (symbolic/literal) violence.
      Jesus personified the buddhist teachings by embodying the middle path, instead of actually living it.
      I think Jesus just blended the bits he liked to form his own teachings, which is what we all do anyway. We hear/think/see things and contemplate how it fits into our own vision of things,

      Liked by 1 person

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