Release tension with intention

Hahaha okay, will do.

Me, talking to myself just now (29.03.20, 1:11pm)

In accordance with my higher self, I will take a figurative step away from this pithy platform.

I wrestle with my self – my heart, my mind, my driven desire… rolling around outside of time, but still within the plane of space and time.

Ugh. I hate this. I hate trying to explain myself – not what I am doing, but what I mean… I know what i mean, but i know i am not clear. I feel that i am wasting energy and windows of opportunity by having to describe (re-scribe) what i meant and what i meant there… over and over again.

Because people will or will not understand the particular significance under the specific context of which I may use a particular word/metaphor/inter-textual reference.

Which is fine. No one is perfect. I don’t expect people to understand me. They’ll understand whenever they are ready to know, it doesn’t have to be me that holds their hand.

So what?

What are you going to do? Who am I to be for you?

Whatever you need me to, I will be for me and you.

Me, to myself, as usual. (30.03.20, @ 12:14pm)

I have resolved to re-release the stuff I wrote when I was moonlighting as Modern Mystic Mother (mmmother chaos, mama k; metaphoric everything, mmhm..) on here, since August 2018.

I feel that my message was much purer and I was more true to myself back then. My vision was clear: unclouded by the ego’s need for attention, I was able to communicate my intentions.

The crux of that issue is that my message of self and worth was not (nor is knot, I know not) clear; I was unable to separate myself from my message I wanted to communicate, because part of my whole self construct of belief is that CONTEXT is equally important as CONTENT. But people don’t want that, they don’t care about the how’s or why’s. They just want the thing immediately applied within their lives.

FUCK THAT FOLLY.

People want knowledge without wisdom. They want results without consequences. They want the reward without the effort. They want to get, but what do they give? Inconsequential “clicks” – push a button, automation generation. Perfunctory salutations and self-serving exchanges.

What is my message? I don’t remember.

  • What do I want? Stuff.
  • When do I want it? Soon.
  • What do you want? To be more than you are.
  • How do you want it? Over easy. Spoon-fed pieces.
  • Why do I give it? I need validation.
  • What am I giving? Words on a screen.
  • What are you receiving? Wisdom or inanity.
  • What is my message? Me.
  • What is my intention? Glory.
  • Why do I care? You need the attention.

By the power of Mars, I will smash down my perceived enemies. Topple over their towers of babylon.

I will be posting the things I wrote some time ago.

I don’t know how else to present myself.

Get to the point.

Send it out, now now now. Say the things you need to say to manifest the life you want to create!

Me, to myself, urging me on. (1.04.20 @ 3:39pm)

I still have the same ambitions and desires as I have before. But I don’t know what message I am to distill and disseminate. I still don’t know why the fuck do I torment myself so? Why put myself through hell when I worked so hard to crawl out of it?

For recognition. To be acknowledged. To be known that I accomplished something.

I’m not after fame nor fortune, just credit that someone knew what I had done, or learned, or knew…

I want people to give me something that can’t be denied, something that they can’t hide – an admission, recognition, or declaration of some sorts. Comments, words, feedback, or a blog post. Those things are free.

I’d like money – that would definitely validate my ego. But people aren’t going to hand over money for nothing. And nothing is all I got.

Transference. Exchange. Transaction. Trade. I would use the money to buy a domain. I’d restart my construction all over again.

If I were you, I wouldn’t listen to me. I am chaos and strife, a disordered blight packaged all shiny and bright.

6 thoughts on “Release tension with intention

    1. If you like this, you’ll love my other words. Tether yourself to my carriage as we go for another spin on the rollercoaster of my recalled so-called life.
      I’ve said before that I’m an experience, and everyone gets something different from the words I weave to explain… Stuff. Mostly me. How does one stay a consistent image of distinctive amorphous anything?! πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ
      Oh well. I have fun writing my shit, and I’m glad it’s fun to read. That is definitely something that helps validate me. πŸ‘©β€πŸ­ thanks Jim.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Does there have to be a point?

    What do I want? To be simulated.
    When do I want it? As long as it takes, girl.
    How do I want it? Low and slow, sometimes manic, as long as we get there, or maybe not. It’s the journey that is important, not the message.

    Like

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