Why aren’t more people like me? FIGJAM!

In the “real world”, the physical world, right here right now (god, I should fucking come up with a better, more clear way of delineating different versions of reality and places…)… OMG. So, “off-the-net” (that’s now what I will call the real world. LOL) I’m a pretty extroverted person. I’m silly, annoying, I’m really TOO MUCH. Or rather, that’s what I’m like when I’m comfortable.

When I’m uncomfortable, I’m really introverted, quiet, shy. If I’m quiet, it’s because I’m focused (like listening or thinking) on something, or I’m freaked out (anxious or awkward). I understand these as either processing or reacting. It really depends on my emotional state at the time.

I’m a people person. I like people. I think they’re interesting. I like learning what makes people tick, why they do what they do. Because people are pretty easy to figure out. They’re really fun puzzles but I get bored pretty easily. I’m incredibly self absorbed and selfish. I’m also hypocritical. I’m contradictory to my own principles and ideas on how people should behave, because guess what, I’m people! I am a person!

Maybe that makes me a good teacher…? I’m rather lousy as a teacher but I’m great with people. Like with my students, I’m pretty good at finding out what their deal is. I annoy them and pester them and actually listen to them, they seem to like me. They’re nice boys, they’re just shitty. Hormones or something. I dunno. This year I’ve been teaching mostly boys, that’s why I’ve been referring to boys a lot in these posts.

It’s really funny when kids will say “omg Miss, you’re so serious” because I won’t laugh at their jokes or anything.

No, I’m not normally serious, I’m just serious with you because you’re being such a fucking dick and making my job (which I generally love) miserable (because of your arse-hole antics)

I’m almost 32 and I don’t know why I still have this idea that I’m running out of time. Which is bullshit because… there’s no logical reason that fits right….

32 is my decisive year (numerologically). I must pick my path.

  • I don’t know what I want to do.
    • Career wise? I want to make money, I want to live comfortably.
    • Study and continue to learn. I like learning.
      • philosophy and metaphysics. fuck yes.
      • psychology, physiology, not just “ideas” but how they impact the real world.
      • about whatever I feel like learning about at the time.
  • I want to do something practical.
    • I like writing but I’m a pretty lousy writer. Don’t know, don’t care.
    • I want to perform. Music or drama. I like the spotlight.
    • I like teaching and I like doing divination. Being consulted for stuff. I’m pretty generalised in terms of “shit I know about”

I think of stuff I wanted to do when I was a kid. And I don’t know. I liked singing. But I’m only okay. I could never create anything, I was great at mimicry. Not voices or anything, I can’t do impersonations. I just know how to… adapt, manipulate, censor, or bastardise shit. Just… smoosh everything together in someway and taa-daa it’s something? Yay! SOME….THING!

I’m good at making bullshit connections between stuff, making shit up and somehow it works. That’s the only thing I know I’m really really good at. And I should have an honorary PhD for that shit. And I can finally pretend that I am a totally legit doctor. Maybe I’ll brand myself like that? I’m super good at making shit up on the fly… I’m all about changing language and changing perceptions of shit. I’m so afraid of discrediting myself by merging these two worlds together (off-the-net and the internet), but it will happen anyway.

I think I might change the name of my website. Don’t be serious now, be serious later.

Dr Kalliope.

SPIN DOCTOR.

I’ll cure what ails ya.

8 October 2018 @ 12:59 am

2 thoughts on “Why aren’t more people like me? FIGJAM!

    1. Thank you! I appreciate that! I think you are too! I’ve always just wanted to tell my own story: which is essentially me telling every about how I managed to be on both sides of some shit at the same time. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

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