I will not be possessed

The only spirit I want to house within me is my own.

God sounds like a necromancer.


I’m broken and I need

Nothing. I need no one. Or rather, I need too much. I hate that I need anything at all.

If it takes forever, I’ll die trying to abstain.


Where did all the flowers go? Some time passing.

Once were all open, now they’re dead or forgotten.


I should go away, but how far off into the distance?

I try to escape, but it doesn’t matter how far

For they follow me, like I’m a dream.

And it starts all over again… I corrupt their once pure hearts.


I’m mended, or amended,

Nobody. I need no more. Or rather, I need too little. I hate that I feel anything at all.

If it takes forever, I’ll die trying to erase the essence of me.


Upstart. Downpour. Upstream. Download.

Bury me, bully. Locked heads, totoro.

Impaled through the soul,

My solar plexus bleeds ichor.

The black hole son was a daughter.

The yellow rays, her bile.

Empty me, make me forget.

I wish to negate my wake again.

50 days between this being penned and published. 4th March 2020 & 22 April 2020.

Today is a triplicity, 444. And the new moon approaches, too…

A little Jyotish astrology. Because why not. (There are a heap of different types, so I’ll just distinguish which school I’m referring to here.)

The moon is passing through the nakshatra Revati, where my Rahu (dragons head, north node) is located. My ascendant is in Ashwini, and my moon in Bharani.

Today is Krishna Chaturdashi, the day before the new moon. I was born on Shukla Chaturdashi, the day before the full moon (technically, 3.5 hours before purnima), in the month of Kartika.

Apparently I was born on a holy day. Kartik shukla chaturdashi is Vaikuntha chaturdashi? However if we use the Gujarati calendar, it says Dev Diwali? I dunno, bit weird chopping changing between different calendar systems, accounting for the exact moment in according to the specific locations…?!

It may interest you (or not) to know I was born during Milad-Ul-Nabi, an Islamic festival celebrating the birth of the prophet Muhammad.

Whoop dee do. What does that even mean for me, or you?

Nothing, nothing at all.

Serve in silence, reprise your tonic. Elicit elixir, eluceat auxilium.

Let your love come to life, guard your heart and shield your eyes, for mine is the killing kind.

I just want to live, and have it be all right. I just want to give, and not fall apart. I just want to love, and have it be okay. I just want to trust we’ll make it through unscathed.

Don’t mind me, dragging through the rough. My skin is tough, though my insides are not enough. I’ll break the waters, the ripples of my wake cause the world to open their eyes and realise their mistake.

Carina’s keel, underside. Look at me now, how the mighty had fallen. A ship did wreck. Drowning in the water world, take me back to rakiah, happyland, where one could breathe. In the woods beside the doon, the lake and the crofter’s playground.

Hey, you, don’t you know who I am?

2 thoughts on “Ascete

    1. Saturday 15th, my husband Saturday 10th. Both scorpios. Our daughter was born on Saturday 5th, crabby. Scions of Saturn and Mars, it seems. A material army of skeptical soldiers in this war of make believe. ☠🤖👾👽


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